TC 12: Perpetually Falling
by Tegan's Muse
Summary: What could the consequences of falling in love be?


**Tegan Chronicles**

**Perpetually Falling  
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"Hey," Janet pushed the propped door open further to find Tegan behind her desk typing up a report. She nodded a greeting but continued to type. "I can come back."

"Have a seat." Tegan barely glanced up from the screen. "Give me two minutes and I'll be done."

A few seconds after Janet took up residence in the chair across from her, Tegan saved the file and her printer jumped to life. "What can I do for you?"

Janet watched Tegan intertwine her fingers and stretch her arms out in front of her, "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

Tegan glanced at her watch, "Friday night… I'm not sure."

"Cassandra's been invited to a slumber party and I was wondering if you wanted to go out?"

"With you and Sam?"

Janet thought for a second, "No. I hadn't planned on inviting Sam. I thought we could go out for dinner, just the two of us."

"I," Tegan paused, deciding on how to best phrase her response. "I really don't feel like going out."

"That's fine," Janet tamped down her disappointment. "I'll make a date with my couch and Chinese take out."

"You make it sound so fun." Tegan wrinkled her brow.

"It can be." Janet stood up. "I should get back to the infirmary, or they'll think I went AWOL or something."

"Wouldn't want that," Tegan mumbled as she pulled her report out of the printer and watched Janet retreat.

After dropping her report off in Jack's inbox, where he was sure to never think to look for it, Tegan stopped by the infirmary. Paige was coming out of the exam room having just finished a physical. "Hey Tegan, what's up?"

"I'm looking for Janet."

"I think she's in her office." Paige inclined her head toward the closed door.

"Thanks." She went over and knocked on the door.

"Come in."

Tegan pushed the door open. "Have a second?"

"Paper cut?"

"You're mad at me?"

"No." Janet smiled.

"Good, because I said I didn't feel like going out. I've barely even settled in my new place yet." She leaned against the doorframe. "Why don't you come over and bring a movie? I'll take care of dinner."

"Are you sure? I mean if you have other plans or something."

"Shadow and I would love to have some company to entertain." Tegan grinned.

"What time should I show up?"

"Sevenish?"

* * *

><p>Tegan opened the door to find Janet standing there clad in blue jeans that hugged her hips lightly and a light pink v neck t-shirt. "Come on in, I'd give you the grand tour but I think you got it helping me move in."<p>

She couldn't help but glance back as Janet stepped past her before locking the front door. "Make yourself at home. Dinner will be ready in about ten more minutes?"

"Can I help?"

"No, just hang out in the living room." Tegan inclined her head as she heard the lyrics from the stereo _I'm the one who likes Gardinas, OH I'm the one who likes making love on the floor. _She blushed lightly as Janet looked back at her.

"Are you sure?" She watched Tegan run her tongue across her lower lip, pausing for a second before pulling it in as she inhaled. She wished Tegan wouldn't do that, although she'd been wishing that since they'd first met.

"Yup," Tegan smiled, "I've got it under control."

"It smells really good," Janet commented as she moved to the living room.

"It was really simple," Tegan spoke over the low playing music. "I just threw a pot roast and some vegetables in the crock pot and let it cook while I was at work. I'm just waiting on the bread."

"Homemade bread?"

"I wish," Tegan laughed. "I bought it from Grocer's Bakery."

"That's ok, I use them too." Janet tossed over her shoulder as she made her way into the living room while Tegan shooed her with he hands.

"So," Janet snuck into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "What's off limits tonight?"

Tegan looked at her for a minute, "Nothing."

"Except anything work related."

"Agreed," She laughed lightly, and handed Janet a plate filled to the edges with food.

"I think your eyes are bigger than my stomach."

"Just eat what you want." Tegan pointed to the dinning room table as she picked up her own plate and followed.

"This is wonderful, it's so tender and juicy. You shouldn't have gone through so much trouble."

Tegan blushed. "Like I said it was no trouble."

After dinner Tegan put in the DVD and settled on the end of the couch while Janet went to the bathroom. When she came out she chose the middle cushion rather then the opposite end of the couch or even the recliner, not that Tegan minded. She just wasn't sure how she was going to get through the evening with Janet sitting so close. She stretched her long legs crossing them at the ankles before propping them on the edge of the coffee table.

"You ok?" Janet asked as the opening sequence to 'Casablanca' started.

"Prefect," Tegan sank back into the couch, "You?"  
>"Great." Janet pulled her feet up under her causing her to lean a little closer to Tegan.<p>

"What's this movie about again?"

"It's a classic." Janet glanced at Tegan catching the glint in her eye.

"I was kidding, although I would've picked 'Top Gun'."

"You just watch it for the planes."

"And the volleyball scene."

"Oh yeah."

It wasn't even halfway into the movie when Tegan felt Janet's head droop onto her shoulder. She could tell by the soft rhythmic breathing that she was asleep. "I always thought this was a boring movie."

"Hmm?" Janet questioned in her sleep.

"Nothing," Tegan hushed her.

When the movie ended Tegan turned the TV off and ran her fingers through silky brown tresses causing Janet to stir.

"What'd I miss?"

"The whole movie."

"Not uh." Janet looked up at Tegan without lifting her head. She saw green eyes looking down at her through red lashes that perfect nose, and those soft alluring pink lips. She should have looked away the very second her eyes landed on those lips, but once she wondered how they tasted it was too late. She craned her neck up and brushed her lips against Tegan's. When she didn't pull away Janet pressed their lips together.

"Janet?" Tegan's tongue snaked over her lower lip as Janet pulled back.

"I'm – " Janet's apology was smothered as Tegan's lips embraced hers.

Tegan let her fingers run through the hair at the nape of Janet's neck before she pulled away. Her brain and her heart were caught in a tug of war that caused her stomach turmoil.

"Tegan?" Janet watched the emotions churn in her eyes as she pulled her arm from around her.

"I'm sorry," She mumbled.

"For what, I'm the one who started it."

"We," She paused then started again with renewed vigor. "We can't do this."

"We just did," Janet teased, feeling relief in knowing Tegan wasn't appalled by what had just taken place.

"I'm serious Janet. We could lose our jobs, our pensions." She was a little young to be so worried about pensions but thought it was an important point to bring up.

"Our health care," Janet threw in for good measure. "I'm willing to take that chance."

"I'm not." Tegan tensed. "You've got Cassie to think about."

"I'll turn in my commission, retire early, and go to work in a regular hospital."

"They could take Cassie away from you. I won't risk that."

It was something Janet hadn't considered. Cassandra was hers legally; would they really try to take her away?

"Besides," Tegan reasoned, "I'm not…"

"Gay?"

"Yeah."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, neither am I." Janet moved back on the couch giving Tegan some space. "I've never even been attracted to another woman like this until I met you."

Tegan rolled her eyes. "You can't tell me you didn't notice Sam."

"Oh," Janet grinned, "Sam's cute. She's got a great smile, but I've never been attracted to her the way I am to you. She's one of my best friends."

Tegan sat there quietly.

Janet waited several minutes before she reached over and took Tegan's hand in hers. "Please don't shut me out, don't…"

"I'm not," She spoke softly. "I was just thinking back to that first day. You were the first person to ever cause my heart to beat like a wild tribal drum, and stop dead in my chest all at the same time. I blamed it on the Stargate, the new assignment, but it still does it every time you touch me."

"I'll talk to General Hammond and see if there are any guarantees with Cassandra."

Tegan shook her head adamantly.

"I won't tell him why; just that I'm curious if there is any way the military could take her away."

"No." Tegan pulled her hand away and stood up. "We have to forget this ever happened."

"Tegan, I'm not just attracted to you physically; if that were the case I think I could get past it, but I can't." Tears pricked at Janet's eyes. "I can't go another day without telling you, I…"

Tegan turned, the look on her face stopping Janet mid sentence.

She looked back at her for the longest minute before looking for her discarded shoes. "I should probably be getting home, it's late."

"Are you ok to drive home?" Tegan knew Janet was tired.

"Yeah."

"You could stay in the guest room."

"I'm ok to drive, I had a nap." She smiled lightly as Tegan pulled the DVD from the player and replaced it in its case.

"Call me when you get home, please." Tegan handed the DVD to Janet, wishing the night hadn't gone from wonderful to this.

"I will."

* * *

><p>As soon as Tegan walked into Mac's she spotted Janet sitting with the rest of her team, and started to make her way over to them. She was intercepted halfway across the room by Oscar. "You're here!"<p>

"Yeah." Tegan looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"I need a huge favor."

Tegan thought favors were something you asked for from friends. "What?"

"My singer canceled at the last minute, I've got a band but no singer." He pointed to the stage. "I normally pay my singers five-hundred a gig. I'll double it for you. Please?"

"I'm not dressed for it." She looked down at the flared royal blue skirt and white v-neck cotton shirt she was wearing.

"You look great," He promised. "Besides with your voice it wouldn't matter if you weighed six hundred pounds and were covered in hair. No one would notice."

"A grand?"

"And you can sing anything you want, or the bouncers can accept written requests and hand them up to you."

She talked to him for a few minutes more before telling him; "I'll need bottled water and a lemon."

"Is that a yes?"

Tegan nodded.

"What was that all about?" Jack asked as she approached their table.

"His entertainment canceled and he asked me to fill in."

"You're going to right?" Sam grinned.

"I'm not sure why," she eyed her suspiciously, "but yes."

"You will sound most in tune." Teal'c was looking forward to hearing her sing again.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." She blew out her breath.

"Nervous?" Daniel lifted as brow at her while examining his glass.

"Wouldn't you be?"

"Not if I could sing like you." Janet offered in way of support as Oscar approached with her water and lemon.

"Are you ready?"

"Think you could introduce me to the band first?"

"Follow me."

###

"Ladies and Gents, if I could have your attention please, our scheduled performer for the night has cancelled." He waited patiently for the 'boos' to settle down. "However, you are all in for a rare and special treat. Making her Colorado Springs debut is the wonderfully talented Ms. Tegan Kiser.

"She'll be doing things a little differently tonight. She'll be taking requests, but there's a twist, each request will cost you a minimum of two dollars, one hundred percent of which will go to the Children's Hospital Cancer wing. So write your requests on a napkin, a business card, anything that isn't attached to you, and give them to Stanley. He'll be sure to pass them on."

"Well," Tegan stepped up to the microphone and squinted into the spotlight; "This is a pretty new experience for me. I think I'd rather be sky diving."

"I'd catch you baby." Some guy yelled out.

"Man where do these nuts come from?" Jack mumbled.

"Since most of you don't even know if I'm worth two bucks a song…"

"Oh you're worth ten bucks baby."

"Shut up you moron!" Jack yelled in the guy's direction.

"I thought I'd start out with a song for my special man…"

Jack pointed to himself.

"No I'm pretty sure she means me." Daniel smiled.

"Murray."

"Teal'c?" Jack scoffed.

"Indeed."

_"'Does he love me I want to know, I want to know if he loves me so. Is it in his eyes? Oh no you'll be deceived. Is it in his smile? Oh no it's make believe. If you want to know if he loves you so it's in his kiss, that's where it is.'"_

"That must've been some kiss." Sam elbowed him.

"I am told my lips are exceedingly irresistible."

After that the songs started pouring in. After fifty minutes Oscar stepped up on stage. "Our lovely Tegan will return in fifteen minutes."

Tegan made her way over to her friends getting stopped along the way.

"You look hot tonight."

"Great voice."

"You should sing here more often."

One guy even yelled in her direction, "I love you! Will you marry me?"

For the most part she smiled politely and pushed her way through the bodies crowding her. Finally she heard a familiar voice. "Good job Kiser."

"I knew you could sing," Daniel straightened his glasses, "but WOW."

"Enough already." She blushed. She really didn't like all the attention. She never had, but her love of music had always won out.

When she returned to the stage all the love songs started pouring in. Peter Cetera's 'The Glory of Love', Chicago's 'You're the Inspiration', Bonnie Taylor's 'Total Eclipse of the Heart.'

Finally a song came up that was at least a better tempo, but as Tegan read the request she really wondered if she could sing it. She was at least thankful that it wasn't strictly considered a country song, and that Leann Rimes didn't sing through her nose. _"'You walk in and my strength walks out the door, say my name and I can't fight it anymore. Oh, I know I should go, but I need your touch just too damn much.'"_

Tegan did her best not to look over at Janet._ "'Loving you, that isn't really something I should do; shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah. Well I should try to be strong, but baby you're the right kind of wrong. Yeah, baby, you're the right kind of wrong.'"_

When the song was over she looked back over at the table to see both Sam and Janet were missing. In the back of her mind something reminded her that the show must go on, she hoped they'd gone to the bathroom as Stanley handed her the next request, another love song.

"You ok?" Sam asked when she found Janet outside leaning up against the low brick wall surrounding the walkway leading into Mac's.

"Just needed to get some air," Janet lied.

"Tegan?"

"Huh?"

"I'm your friend Jan, you don't have to pretend around me. I mean…" She wasn't sure how to word it without coming across as a homophobe or something. "Whether you're willing to admit it or not, there is something between you two."

"We're friends."

"And I'm Abe Lincoln's grandmother." Sam shook her head. "You know I don't care who you fall in love with, as long as you're happy."

"Seriously, we're just friends." She knew she could trust Sam. "I don't want this getting back to her."

"You know it won't."

"We kissed last night. I initiated it, or the first one. When I went to apologize she kissed me. It wasn't hot and heavy." Janet wasn't sure why she'd added that. "But then she said we couldn't do this. That we had to forget it ever happened."

Sam raised her eyebrows.

"She's afraid I could lose Cassandra and doesn't even want me to look into it."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Janet pushed off the wall. She couldn't deny the pull Tegan had on her heart. She didn't think Tegan could deny it anymore either. Wasn't that why she wouldn't even glance at her during most of the slow songs she'd been singing? "We should head back in."

"Cole Porter?" Tegan looked at the request in her hand. "Where are you guys digging up these songs? You're going to have to bear with me, the band's taking a five minute breather."

"That's because we don't know the song." The bass guitarist spoke into his microphone.

"I'm going to do my best trying it a cappella, sorry if it stinks."

_"'Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's fall in love."_

"So when are you going to do it?" Jack leaned over as Janet sat back down.

"Do what?"

"Fall in love?"

"When the right person comes along."

"She already has." He pointed to Tegan with his eyes.

"We're not blind." Daniel sat his drink down as Sam rejoined them.

"She's not, I'm not…"

"You can't help who you fall in love with."

"I totally agree." Daniel blinked. "Wait, did Jack just say that?"

"He did." Teal'c gave a nod.

"It would never work out, even if…" She shook her head.

"If you're concerned about the kid, or your careers;" Jack knew he shouldn't be telling her this, but it didn't stop him. "Talk to General Hammond."

"But…"

"Just trust me on this one." Jack tapped his forehead.

_"'In shallow shoals, English soles do it; goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it. Let's do it, let's fall in love." _Tegan glanced in Janet's direction as the song finished.

When it came closer to closing time Tegan announced it was last call. "I just want to thank you all for the songs, it was quite a challenge. Oscar, you can make my check out to the Children's Hospital and add it to the donations. I don't need another surf board."

"I'll double it then." He yelled from behind the bar.

"Good night folks, get home safe. And here's another one for the road, be sure to join in." She did this one without the band, and thought it was an appropriate way to end the evening, basically because it was the only song she could currently associate with a bunch of drunks. _"'I'm Henry the eighth I am, Henry the eighth I am I am. I got married to the woman next door, she'd been married seven times before…"_

It took her fifteen minutes to get to where Janet, Sam and Jack were standing, thanks to every drunk guy and a few women congratulating her and trying to get her number.

"Where are Daniel and Teal'c?"

"Bathroom." Jack threw his thumb over his shoulder.

"Anyone need a ride home?"

"Nope." Jack touched his nose. "I stayed sober just to hear you sing."

"Awww, isn't that sweet." Tegan rolled her eyes before looking to Janet.

"I wasn't drinking tonight." She held up her keys. "Sam and I rode together."

"Guess that means I can go. I'll see you all Monday."

* * *

><p>"Thank you for seeing me, sir."<p>

"Close the door and have a seat doctor." General Hammond pointed to the empty chair facing his desk.

Janet still wasn't sure how to approach the subject even as she settled into the proffered chair. "Sir, I… I'm thinking about resigning my commission and was wondering about Cassandra."

"Why would you even consider resigning?" He folded his hands neatly on his desk. If she'd asked in the three months Tegan was 'dead,' he would have understood.

"I've met someone sir." Did she really just say that?

"It's about time doctor."

"Sir?"

"Does she know?"

"Is this come kind of conspiracy?" Janet wondered if everyone on base saw it.

"This entire conversation is completely off the record, is that understood?" He stared at her to drive his point home.

"Yes sir."

"You, Major, haven't been the same since the first day Major Kiser reported to Stargate command for duty. I was ready to lock you both in a room until you came to your senses or killed each other. So as far as I am concerned if you keep the physical part of your relationship off base;" He couldn't exactly say off security cameras, "I don't see a problem with you both remaining at your posts. I don't see how you two actually admitting your feelings can be any worse than the tension you so often share."

"What about the don't ask, don't tell policy, sir?"

"As I said, this conversation is off the record, when you walk out of those doors, it never happened." He knew she wasn't as dense as she currently seemed, and that she was just covering all her bases. "Secondly, we aren't exactly your normal military post. It isn't us against the world; it's us trying to save the world. Besides, you never said anymore than you met someone.

"As for Cassandra, she is yours. Legally the military has no bearing over her, no matter the circumstance. So if you were to do something as stupid as tell Senator McKinley of any relationships the military as a whole may discourage, and you're dishonorably discharged they can't take her from you."

"Thank you sir."

"Was there anything else?"

"No sir."

"Good luck doctor, I have a feeling you're going to need it."

She smiled lightly as he dismissed her.

"What are you so happy about?" Tegan looked up as Janet walked into her lab all smiles.

"Oh nothing." Her smile grew as she indicated the cameras. "But I do need to see you in the infirmary."

Tegan wasn't sure why the med labs had microphones connected to their cameras, she could understand the holding cells, and the observation rooms but not the med labs. "Why do you need to see me now? I'm busy."

Janet rolled her eyes but played along. "Because I'm…"

"Don't say it, I already know, because you are the stupid CMO." She glanced at Shadow. "I need to take him out and I'll be there."

"I'll be waiting." Janet grinned.

"That was quick." Janet pointed to her office when Tegan came into the infirmary with Shadow at her heels.

"He didn't have to go." Tegan led the way. She waited for Janet to close the door before asking, "What's going on?"

"Cassie is mine no matter what."

"You have that in writing?"

"I'll check the paperwork tonight, but the adoption is completely legal, and General Hammond…"

"I asked you not to go to him." Technically she'd begged, but she wasn't going to point that out.

"Tegan, stop being so afraid of everything."

"I'm not afraid of anything."

"When it comes to emotions, you're afraid of everything." Janet pointed out softly. "Look, I'm not willing to wait for the next time you might be mortally wounded to realize I let my second chance slip through my fingers. I'm pretty sure, no, I know I love you. And I'm not going to wait until I'm old and gray and the military tells me I have to retire to find out if you can get past whatever ghosts you have and love me back."

"You had so much too lose." Tegan leaned back against the door, neither of them having taken a seat.

"I had a lot to gain too. You got me to thinking about Cassandra the other night, and whether or not she could be taken away from me on a whim."

"But…"

"Everyone already knows." Janet interrupted.

"Everyone?"

"The other night at Mac's, you were singing…" She paused to think of the title. "'Let's Fall in Love', and Jack asked when I was going to fall in love. I told him when the right person came along, and he said you already had. Everyone agreed with him."

"Everyone?" She asked again.

"Sam, Daniel, and well, Teal'c didn't really say anything, but I could see it in his eyes. Colonel O'Neill also suggested I go talk to General Hammond."

"What exactly did General Hammond say?"

Janet relayed the conversation pretty much word for word. "Look I didn't do this for you. I did it for me, if you don't want this just say so."

"Want what? It was one kiss."

"Two." Janet was beginning to wonder if she was the only one there for the kisses.

Tegan grinned lightly before becoming serious again. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"It's not me I'm worried about." Janet spoke without thinking.

"I'm a big girl, I think I can handle it."

"What I meant was, I'm not sure I'm ready for a committed relationship."

"'Cause you're just dating so many people."

"I just think we should take it slow."

"Or not at all." Tegan closed her eyes and leaned back against the door.

"What?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly relationship material."

"Maybe you just haven't found the right person."

Tegan looked at her watch, "I have to get back to work."

"Hey, is this seat taken?"

Janet looked up. She hadn't seen Sam enter the mess hall. "No, help yourself."

"You look preoccupied."

"Hmmm?" She raised an eyebrow.

"What's on your mind?" Sam picked up her grilled chicken breast sandwich and took a bite.

Janet shook her head no. "Have you seen Tegan since Monday?"

"I stopped by her lab an hour ago. She had her head down in a microscope." Sam looked at her thoughtfully for a second. "Is she still mad at you for talking to General Hammond?"

"I don't know. I haven't talked to her since Monday." Janet shrugged. "The ball's in her court now."

"If you're going to wait for her to serve, you might be waiting a while."

"I know."


End file.
